If I could send a letter to new mom Alex, this is what I would say:
Dear Alex,
I know that right now, you have this screaming newborn in your arms. I also know that despite the fact that this newborn is screaming and literally sucking the life out of your exhausted body, you love the sh*t outta her. But there are some things you should know, too.
1. You are still Alex. Regardless of the fact that people call you “mama” or “Poppy’s mom,” you are still a human being who deserves(!!!!!) her own identity apart from that of her parasite - oops, I mean baby. Don't forget to sometimes do things because they make YOU feel good or have fun.
2. Ignore the peanut gallery. They will tell you things. Some things will be helpful, like the lactation consultant who will suggest bouncing that screaming baby on a yoga ball to settle her. Some things will do nothing, like the midwife who will suggest drinking a shot of beer before nursing to help trigger letdown. Some things might even be harmful, like the mom who will suggest buying a rock-n-play, AKA BABY DEATH TRAP, because your screaming baby does not like to sleep in the bassinet. Regardless of the outcome of any of these suggestions, the key point is TRUST YOURSELF.
3. Do not feel guilty for not LOVING every second of new motherhood. Each time you tell a friend or family member how tired you are or ask them when your screaming baby will sleep or become fun, they will say something to the effect of "TREASURE THESE DAYS, BABIES GROW UP! DON'T BE UNGRATEFUL! BABIES ARE THE BEST AND WHEN THEY GROW UP TO BE CHILDREN AND TWEENS AND TEENS YOU WILL MISS THEM AS BABIES!!!!" News flash - 18 months into the future, you will be in LOVE with your toddler...and even though you LOVED her as a baby, you will not miss her as a baby. So far, so good. No need to go back to the endless haze of colic.
Love,
Alex
P.S. You will survive this.
Dear Alex,
I know that right now, you have this screaming newborn in your arms. I also know that despite the fact that this newborn is screaming and literally sucking the life out of your exhausted body, you love the sh*t outta her. But there are some things you should know, too.
1. You are still Alex. Regardless of the fact that people call you “mama” or “Poppy’s mom,” you are still a human being who deserves(!!!!!) her own identity apart from that of her parasite - oops, I mean baby. Don't forget to sometimes do things because they make YOU feel good or have fun.
2. Ignore the peanut gallery. They will tell you things. Some things will be helpful, like the lactation consultant who will suggest bouncing that screaming baby on a yoga ball to settle her. Some things will do nothing, like the midwife who will suggest drinking a shot of beer before nursing to help trigger letdown. Some things might even be harmful, like the mom who will suggest buying a rock-n-play, AKA BABY DEATH TRAP, because your screaming baby does not like to sleep in the bassinet. Regardless of the outcome of any of these suggestions, the key point is TRUST YOURSELF.
3. Do not feel guilty for not LOVING every second of new motherhood. Each time you tell a friend or family member how tired you are or ask them when your screaming baby will sleep or become fun, they will say something to the effect of "TREASURE THESE DAYS, BABIES GROW UP! DON'T BE UNGRATEFUL! BABIES ARE THE BEST AND WHEN THEY GROW UP TO BE CHILDREN AND TWEENS AND TEENS YOU WILL MISS THEM AS BABIES!!!!" News flash - 18 months into the future, you will be in LOVE with your toddler...and even though you LOVED her as a baby, you will not miss her as a baby. So far, so good. No need to go back to the endless haze of colic.
Love,
Alex
P.S. You will survive this.
Brilliant format for gathering perspective and charting ways forward. If you ever need to resort to it again, check out futureme.org, which targets the other direction in time.
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